March 13th, 2010
Settling Down vs. Settling – How Do You Differentiate the Two?
Once again I abandoned the blog, and I apologize for that. This time, however, my hiatus didn’t stem from uninspiring job-related depression that prevented me from writing. I actually genuinely like my job and love my co-workers, so my discontent has taken a backseat lately. Consequently, so has this blog, unfortunately.
I didn’t get that other job that I thought would be “the one”, by the way, which ended up being the best turn of events since I’ve grown to like my current job so much. To top it all off, my husband and I are now almost in a position to buy a house, which makes me exceedingly happy with where we are in life overall. I mean, the actual job isn’t stimulating or challenging, nor does it give me a sense of pride when I tell others what I do. I’m also quite certain that there’s nowhere to go from my current position – at best I can make lateral career transitions within the company. And I’m well aware of the fact that 99.99% of my job happiness is contingent on the friendships I’ve forged with my super awesome co-workers. If they all fled the company next week, I’m not sure how I’d feel about my job if it required me to go in to the office without them being there. But as for right now, I’m comfortable with the stability, ease, and predictability that go along with my job.
That comfort gives me a serenity that I haven’t felt in a long time. At times, though, that comfort also terrifies me. My co-workers frequently express their disgust with our repetitive and low-level job – it is a topic that has strengthened our friendships. And while I readily acknowledge how banal our daily tasks are and share their disgust and annoyance, for some reason I don’t feel it as deeply as they do… as deeply as I used to feel it. They feel what I felt for the past two years. Like my former job-hating/job-hunting self, they rail against the injustice of having to continue working in positions that are beneath them. I used to rail, too, but now I merely chuckle and shake my head, like it’s a bad but charming joke. What’s wrong with me? I promised myself that I would never turn into some of the people I’ve worked with in the past… the kind of people who knew they could do better in life but settled because it was the right thing to do.
Is it settling? Or is it settling down? How am I supposed to know the difference? I just received acceptance to law school, and while I’d really like to pursue a law degree, I’m scared to leave behind the stability I’ve just begun to experience. I want a house. I want to travel. I want to start a family eventually. But I also want to be great… truly great, and I feel like law school can open the doors that can lead me to that sphere of the greatness I aspire toward. At the same time, I’ve made so many missteps in the past two years… would abandoning my current job just be another misstep that will thwart my process of settling down? Or would I merely be settling and assailing my opportunity to do something great with my life?
I’m not yet sure. But I will say that having a job I actually like makes this decision the hardest one I’ve had to make thus far in my post-grad life.
