Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Woohoo!

The editor at the magazine had no qualms about working around my work schedule! I’m incredibly excited!!!! I’m so elated that I don’t have to give up this experience.

Man, I hope this leads to good things. I really, really hope that in a year I can say that I actually work – for wages – at a magazine. Maybe in 2.5 years I’ll somehow get an Assistant Editor gig… and I’d be happy to remain in that position until the 5-year mark - hopefully at that point I’ll be a full-fledged Editor.

I think I should take some magazine publishing courses… I really wish I hadn’t switched my Journalism major to English in the second year of my undergraduate career. I mean, I don’t regret the route I ended up taking. I wholeheartedly loved my undergrad courses in English and didn’t know for certain that I no longer wanted to pursue my PhD until after I finished my MA and was just a couple months away from beginning the PhD, so I had no clue it would all end up this way and that I’d eventually want to pursue a journalistic rather than academic career… but it’s not too late, right?

It’s never too late!

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But of course it was too good to be true…

Can’t it all just work out for me for once? So the new job is fine, but it lost quite a bit of its lustre this afternoon when my supervisor told me that I can’t work early hours until my “newness” has diminished. She wants me to get more traning under my belt before I begin working without a supervisor in the office (the earliest a supervisor arrives in the morning is 7). The problem – IT’S A BIG PROBLEM – is that I’m supposed to intern from 2-5. I was supposed to work from 5-1, which would’ve worked perfectly with my internship hours, but now my plan that was neatly tied up with a pretty little bow has gone completely to hell.

I want to be a part of this magazine – seriously, I NEED this experience. Since Friday is a short work day at the company I work for, I can intern from 12:15 to 5, but the internship requires a two-day commitment. I’ve already emailed the editor of the magazine with all of the details re: the schedule debacle and told her I can come in for an hour Monday to Thursday (to discuss new developments and assignments that I can take home) AND dedicate all my spare time to completing tasks on my own time (I completed some fact-checking on my own this past week and it went really well!)… I just hope we can work something out.

What am I supposed to do, though? While I need to intern for the magazine to help me get on the career path that I want to be on, since I haven’t won the lottery yet, I also need this job. And for the first time in a very long time, I can say that my job is decent… and the company is more than decent. It’s a truly solid company, actually. Probably the best I’ve worked for in terms of taking care of employees. I’m on contract, but the chances of getting hired permanently are quite high… and once that happens, I could work the hours I want, receive awesome benefits (maternity leave top-up!), and eventually work from home FOREVER if I choose to do so.

At the end of the day, though, I don’t think it would be enough. Yes, I do think I would be able to learn to accept having a “meh” job at a good company. But it still wouldn’t be enough… I could never permanently quiet the nagging voice inside my head, which would constantly remind me that I’d be happier doing something else.

I just hope that nagging voice never leaves me – because so long as I’m armed with it, there will always be potential for my continued evolution. I don’t ever want to lose the ability to want better for myself when I know I can amount to so much more.

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Another Anecdote – The Leech

First off, the new job is okay. After my last nightmare of a job, it’s such a huge relief to have a boss who doesn’t breathe down my neck. It’s an eerily quiet, anti-social environment for the most part, but such is life when you work in legal publishing. I knew what to expect before starting. My co-workers seem nice and good-humoured enough, so hopefully I get to run into them more often in the halls or library to strike up more conversation (how ironic, yes, striking up conversation in a library – again, such is life when you work in legal publishing).

Anyway, I’ve already got some work to do, which is good… I guess. To be honest, I was hoping to cruise for the first few days or so reading lame training material, but because I’ve got moderate editorial experience under my belt, they’ve decided to put me to work already. It’s not fun work, but it never is in legal publishing. I can’t stop thinking about the work I have to complete for the magazine – it’s so much more interesting… today all I kept thinking about was making calls to verify some details in a few articles I’ve been assigned to fact-check. I was really distracted. I wish they would just pay me! I’d be elated if they said they could pay me minimum wage to work for them… sigh, maybe one day.

Anywho, these updates are going somewhere today – for once, I have a point, haha. Reflecting on my varied work experience, which consists of paid and unpaid positions and ranges from God-awful to “meh” to, now that I’m working for the magazine, warm, fuzzy-feeling-eliciting, I’ve realized that it has definitely given me a better appreciation for the value of a dollar. I know someone who’s a pretty ridiculous character, quite happily leeching off of others to pay for her gym membership, satisfy her penchant for name brands, buy things she shouldn’t, rack up enormous debt in their names so that she can spoil herself, etc., etc., etc. She doesn’t pay rent, people. She’s been unemployed for several years and lacks any job skills (or people skills, for that matter!). She’s 30-something and virtually the only thing she can put on her resume is her short-lived experience working at a fair, for Christ’s sake. You would think that someone who takes, takes, takes from wonderful people who give, give, give would do what she could to show her appreciation. But no, she doesn’t even help out at home in any adequately quantifiable way… and she’s completely unapologetic about being thoroughly USELESS  to her family that’s selflessly and painstakingly helping her out. She’s pretty crappy in my books, so these days I’m not surprised when I hear about something effin’ stupid that she does.

But the other day, my husband and I gave her daughter a monetary gift for her birthday. Sure, it wasn’t huge or anything, but I hadn’t worked in weeks and we had to be modest because of our situation. It wasn’t a paltry amount either, though, so I expected a polite “thanks” in return. But when her daughter gave her nasty mom the money and told her it was from us, nasty mom just looked down at it and said nothing… not a word. Nor did she tell her daughter to thank us. She looked down at the money like it was infected. I could see it on her nasty face: she was thinking, “CHEAP”. It wasn’t even HER gift! And still she passed judgment! I’m baffled by how she feels entitled to pass judgment with NOTHING that she’s EARNED SELF-SUFFICIENTLY to her name.

Funny that someone who’s too useless to generate an income would think that, huh? Apparently people who are “too good” to work honestly for a dollar are are still “too good” for monetary gifts/free money.

Maybe if the dumb b!tch actually WORKED a damn day in her life, had a boss who made her want to crawl into a hole and scream, had a job like my husband’s that made her body ache every day, had to settle for all of these not-so-wonderful things for the sake of DOING WHAT’S RIGHT… maybe then she wouldn’t scoff at our gift. She simply hasn’t evolved enough to understand just what kind of bullsh!t and sacrifice goes into making an honest dollar. And the fact that she revels in her ignorance enrages me – a 30-something ADULT who lacks this insight is a sorry waste of human life! ARGH!

I’m glad I’ll never be like her. Without a doubt, she’s the biggest idiot I have the misfortune of knowing.

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One Year

Okay, so everything is settled – I accepted the full-time editor position and the part-time editorial internship at the smaller mag. I’m certain that the hiring editor at the bigger mag is incensed by the fact that I rescinded my acceptance – she didn’t reply to my apologetic email, but I’ve got to look out for #1, right? I still kind of feel like crap about the situation, but that’s life.
 
It’s a relief to have a relatively well-charted course now. I endured such anxiety and confusion to get to this point, though, which is a little concerning. It’s clear that I’m still confused about what to do. I mean, I’m positive I want to write for a magazine, to write in some professional capacity about things that interest me (I’ll never again be a technical writer, never, never again!), but the confusion stems from whether or not all the effort and sacrifices (I turned down an invitation to interview for another full-time opportunity with an insurance company that pays better than the editor job and comes with great benefits because it wouldn’t accommodate my internship) made in order to stay the course will eventually pay off. I’m sure that in a ”transcendental” sense the opportunity to write will be worth it – but I’m concerned about a practical worth as well… which translates into money. I’m not a money-hungry person or anything, but I just hope to be writing for wages, however marginal, at some point in the near (rather than distant) future. I am willing to put in several months of interning to prove my worthiness for actual employment, but at the end of the day all this (unpaid) effort needs to culminate in a paying job with the mag in order for me to feel like it really was all worth it. Like I said in my last post, I could see this happening at the mag I’m interning for… but things don’t always play out like I predict – clearly my current position in life is sad evidence of that. So I’m a little wary of what all of this will ultimately amount to.
 
My husband and I have agreed that I have one year to try and make this work. He’s incredibly supportive, and while I’m eternally grateful for his genuine approval of my dream-chasing for however long I see fit, I told him that we both need to set a limit to this self-fulfilling-career-searching endeavour of mine, that he can’t just let me privilege my idealism forever while turning down great opportunities like the one at the insurance company that I turned down yesterday. So, for a year and ONLY a year, I’m free to do whatever I think it’ll take to get me where I want to be. After the year is up, if I’m not where I want to be, I’ll have to commit to whatever job I can snag anyway, no complaints.
 
I’m really hoping that this year is promising. I’ve got a whole lot of ground to cover.
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Dilemma

Wow, it’s been quite some time since my last post! A lot has happened since my last blogging session…

So the interview for the editorial internship that I really wanted went extremely well on Monday – I was accepted for the position on the spot. I was definitely stoked, but at the same time I was pretty disappointed about not yet having secured a part-time position. I thought I was fully prepared to intern full-time at the magazine no matter what , but reality set in and I really can’t live with myself relying solely on my poor husband to shoulder all of our financial responsibilities… they’re not particularly burdensome, and we could probably survive on his income alone for a little while if we exercise the strictest discipline in adhering to a budget, but I can’t do that to him (and we’re not the disciplined sort, haha!). Besides, I’m a grown-a$$ woman and should be pulling my own weight, for goodness’ sake! I really would feel ashamed of myself… and to be honest, I have been a little ashamed of myself being unemployed these past two weeks, which is an issue I’ll blog about in detail very soon.

Anyway, then yesterday I got offered the editor job that I’ve mentioned previously. And because I’m an absolute idiot when put on the spot, I accepted it. HI. How can I intern full-time AND work full-time??? Why do I put myself in these sticky situations? Because I really am an idiot who apparently relishes dilemmas!

I don’t know what to do… especially because I think I can actually have my cake and eat it too with a part-time editorial internship that I’ve got lined up… it’s with a smaller magazine, but the internship could probably provide me with some great writing experience because the publication is so small and interns are heavily relied upon for contributing content… which I wouldn’t mind since I don’t think it’s far-fetched to surmise that it could perhaps lead to a paid gig in the future. See, the answer seems so clear – work full-time and intern part-time. But I already committed to the full-time internship and don’t know how to go about rescinding my commitment. AHHHH. It wouldn’t be so difficult to do if I didn’t care so much… this is an industry I really do want to break in to and I don’t want to burn any bridges on the outset of my foray into the magazine world.

The timing of everything was just so incredibly off. My maybe-soon-to-be employer should’ve offered me that damn job sooner so that I could’ve assessed my options properly. At the end of the day, I’m sure this happens quite a lot – candidates who accept offers end up having to revoke their acceptance due to a more suitable opportunity that comes along afterwards… I’m sure that the person to whom I’ll end up having to rescind my acceptance will understand, but the thought of doing it is making me a little sick to my stomach. Eck. Seriously.

Well, at least the Thanksgiving festivities this weekend will take my mind off of it temporarily. Happy Thanksgiving weekend to you all!

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