The (Mis?)Adventures of a Perpetual Job-Hunter/Job-Hater

I wrote yesterday’s post with some relative clarity, I thought… but today the potential employer called to let me know that they’re proceeding in the recruitment process since yesterday’s interview went well. They will be contacting my references, and their final decision will be made by the end of next week. My gut feeling tells me that an offer of employment is pending.

And that gut feeling is accompanied by a feeling of disappointment, I guess I can call it. I’m not being ungrateful… this is a stupid, stupid initial reaction from an unemployed bum, I know… of course I’m pleased that I have another prospect, especially since I quit last week without anything to fall back on. While I’m glad that I can return to the work force almost immediately after leaving my last job quite spontaneously, I’m also a little disappointed because I have a feeling I know what my pragmatism will guide me to do. Sure, it’s an uninteresting job that pays an almost laughable salary… but it’s a job that pays… and even though I was intially unfazed by the unpaid aspect of an incredibly exciting magazine internship, I feel my pragmatism enveloping my idealism again, telling me that I can’t turn down an actual job… because I just can’t.

Ugh, it’s so unbelievably frustrating to be yoked to this kind of pragmatism. Even after all these posts that seem to trace an evolution (however slow and winding) in my approach to finding the right career for me, here I am, taking two steps back, thinking about settling for something that I already know will not make me content.

Oh, what am I doing.

My interview this morning went well, and while they strongly hinted that I could expect an offer soon enough, I’m about 90% sure that it’s not the right opportunity to jump into after a painful year and a half of job dissatisfaction. My goal is to never again put myself in the same situation I extricated myself from only a week ago, and I’m afraid that accepting this job would contradict that goal entirely. I know I’m not interested in editing the content I’d be immersed in during my tenure there, which is why I left both of my previous jobs. The time to be selective is now, but unfortunately my mom doesn’t understand the logic behind this…

At 11pm last night, I applied for a magazine internship that I’m dying to secure, and lo and behold, I was miraculously contacted this morning regarding my application and invited for an interview scheduled for Tuesday morning. I’m really hoping to get this one, folks… really hoping. I’ve been fantasizing all day about getting hired on full-time after my internship expires and finally experiencing what it’s like to have a job that I actually enjoy… I’m probably being overly optimistic, but being jobless can do that to a girl, strangely enough. I think it’s because I’m no longer shackled to a job that I have to force myself, with great difficulty, to accept (sort of like forcing yourself to swallow Buckley’s without gagging) - when I worked for Awkward/A$$hole boss, that forced acceptance ended up permeating/polluting my outlook on the future, hindering me from recognizing that I could indeed do more than just passively accepting my situation.

So now that I’m taking accountability for my career path, I’m willing to be an unpaid, full-time intern at a reputable magazine for a couple of months to acquire some much needed and incredibly valuable experience while working part-time. It makes perfect sense to me… and to my husband – God bless him for being so darn supportive. But it doesn’t make that much sense to my mom… I could see the disapproval in the look on her face when I told her. And I’m sure it doesn’t make sense to several others who are aware of this plan (they are, however, a tad more sensitive than my mom and therefore avoid manifesting less than nuanced reactions when I discuss it, haha!). But simply working to generate an income hasn’t gotten me anywhere fruitful so far. I think it’s about time that I change my strategy and let what I love to do guide my job search… even if that means working for free for a little while.

The bottom line: if you are okay with what you want to do, that’s all that should matter. Readers, this sounds like such a trite statement, such fluffy advice that we all roll our eyes at, but it’s advice that we don’t fully take to heart when we should. I’ve felt the need to justify my decisions to people in this past week, but I can’t let my hyper-sensitivity to what others think prevent me from doing something I’m over-the-moon excited about. Would it make sense if I did?

A gem of advice: DO NOT accept a job at a company that lacks a legitimate HR department! Not only will you witness HR violations occur left, right, and center (and all known to the phony HR department they’ve set up) during your miserable tenure at the company, but you will more than likely be f*cked with when it comes to your final pay.

So, learn from my situation, dear friends. Here are a few tips to bear in mind if you have the misfortune of being f*cked with by a former, legitimate-HR-department-less employer, thereby prolonging your ties (against your will) with a company you despise:

#1: Incessant emailing lets them know you mean business. Harass, harass, and harass them again for what you’re entitled to.

#2: Point out the stupidity in the lame justification they will try to sell you in their attempt to f*ck up your final pay. Do this in conjunction with tip #1.

#3: Be extremely thorough in your explanation of why they are wrong. Do this in conjunction with tips #1 and #2.

#4: Be ready to bust out the big guns: tell them you are not afraid to take the issue up with the labour board, and if they don’t get the hint after you tell them that, go one step further by declaring you are well-connected with employment lawyers. I’m almost at this point! Also, I do know employment lawyers and would be more than happy to send along contact info if you need it!

#5: Do not just “let it go”, people – yes, you may just want to throw in the towel and wash your hands of it all so that you can finally begin the process of erasing your experience with the company from your memory forever, but don’t let them get away with this bull$h!t. Just think of all the days you spent languishing at your desk, utterly bored and unfulfilled… so first they want your soul, and now they want a portion of your earnings, too??? NOoooooOOoo, I don’t think so!

I wish I could explicitly name my former employer to give you all a proper warning! The ad for my former job is on Workopolis right now and is extremely deceptive… how I wish I could expose the dishonest company behind the pretty ad. Sigh.

It’s been some time since my last post, and I’m sure my handful of readers have been wondering (well, at least I hope they’ve been wondering – and I hope there are still a handful of you out there!) how I’ve been doing since that fateful day…

I don’t regret quitting at all. I have been coping with the fear that stems from, as my good friend articulated, leaving something safe for the unknown… but I haven’t experienced even the slightest regret since emancipating myself from Awkward Boss’ evil clutches and the drudgery of a soul-killing job.

I’m sure some people think that my decision was rash, but I have faith that this will all work out. The truth is that I’m young, I’m smart, I’ve got a good education, and I know how to sell my qualifications and skills  pretty well to potential employers – I’m not at all worried that I’ll be forever unemployed from this point on… even in this terrible job market, I’m confident that I can secure a respectable position soon. But I so desperately want to find an opportunity that will make me truly content – and that is a much more difficult task.

So I’ve been keeping myself quite busy since making the choice to be unemployed. The day after quitting, I completed the editorial tests for the other potential employer. I’ve applied for several jobs that I think I’d enjoy, making a conscious effort to be more selective in my job hunt. But I’ve been most focused on submitting my cover letter (now very carefully written!) and resume to several magazines in hopes of securing an internship. And, to my great surprise, I actually received a response just a couple of hours ago from an Editor who might be interested in taking me on. I’m almost giddy at the thought of gaining experience working at an actual magazine. And as mind-blowing as it sounds, the unpaid aspect of it is pretty insignificant to me, even with gas to buy, four dogs to feed, and bills to pay.

Is it absolutely crazy that I’m most excited about the prospect of securing an unpaid internship? To some of you it might be, but to the others who share my sentiments about vocation, I’m sure you understand my giddiness.

 Despite the fact that I laughed at myself for wanting to schedule fake hourly bathroom breaks this afternoon, I ended up retreating to the bathroom yet again just shortly after that post , desperately wishing that I could flush myself down the toilet and swim to freedom. Thank you, Awkward Boss – or A$$hole Boss, which is the charming moniker that his charming personality has won him, fair and square – for making me wish such ridiculous things.

Today was the worst work day EVER. Hands down. THE WORST, and I can thank my douchebag, turd bucket of a boss for that. He was hell-bent on making it one problematic afternoon for a co-worker of mine. Now, to perfectly sane human beings (I’m still not 100% certain that A$$hole Boss is indeed human since the troubling combination of awkward and a$$hole that comprises his very essence has made him an almost unfathomable creature on human terms), this co-worker of mine would be considered one of the most good-natured individuals one could ever encounter. He’s a soft-spoken, funny, well-mannered, hard-working guy – the type of guy you want to befriend immediately because shucks, he just seems so darn affable. Unfortunately for him, A$$hole Boss preys on the particularly affable… and eats them for dinner, I’m almost certain. (He claims he’s strictly against consuming any living creature, but I call bull$h!t on that one… he makes the exception for nice people, without a doubt. Today he farted audibly – I should probably inform him that if he eliminated nice people from his diet, he wouldn’t be so damn gassy.)

I couldn’t stomach bearing witness to the public shaming of my co-worker yet again (oh yes, this happens quite regularly), so I left to take refuge in the bathroom a couple of minutes into his badgering. Apparently, while I was in there envisioning my cyclonic, toilet-sponsored freedom, A$$hole Boss kicked his brand of a$$hole up a notch and yelled maniacally at the top of his lungs at my affable co-worker. Classy. I should probably highlight the fact that we don’t have cubicles. And he doesn’t have an office in which to deride people discreetly. Yup. When I said “public shaming”, I meant it. The entire floor witnessed his outburst (one that my super nice co-worker didn’t even counter with an outburst of his own). Disgusting? Yup. Very. Someone please get A$$hole Boss his own cage office. Wait, but maybe a cage would be more suitable for him, now that I think about it.

What makes him think that the workplace is some alternate universe in which common human decency is completely thrown out the window and then trampled on once it hits the ground? And what makes him think that the hierarchy of supervisors and employees dictates a disgusting master/subordinate dynamic that privileges his role and entitles him to attacking someone in such an unprofessional manner? A supervisor is responsible for monitoring your work, ensuring you understand everything that is expected of you and providing clarification if you don’t, and is thus in a position of authority, yes, because of these duties – but this position of professional authority does not give you, A$$hole Boss, license to demean and berate. Some of you may be thinking, these are the politics of the workplace, Naïve One. I’ve heard that many times. But I call bull$h!t on that one as well. This kind of behavior is deemed unprofessional for a reason – there’s no place for that idiocy in a professional environment. Employees make mistakes, but supervisors can address them constructively and civilly – I’ve seen it first-hand.

The most shocking thing about the whole episode: A$$hole Boss spoke to my publicly scorned co-worker in a pleasant, friendly manner like absolutely nothing happened just 6 minutes after his blow-up and 4 minutes after he disparaged my co-worker to his tool of a Pet/Next In Command (who not only participates in bad-mouthing everyone he bad-mouths, even when unwarranted, but takes the most abuse from him and yet practically salivates at every opportunity to be his living doormat… yes, I told you, she’s a tool).

This was so incomprehensible to me, and since I’m not so good at being subtle, I threw my hands up, shook my head, turned to my co-workers sitting next to me, and blurted out “bi-polar”. Not to offend any of you who have the disorder or know someone who does, but I couldn’t help it. Because what else could be the explanation? I was genuinely perplexed.

He must’ve heard me – I have the great misfortune of sitting right in front of him. But I’m truly beyond caring at this point. After all, he eats nice people for dinner… being bi-polar is the least of his problems.