November 4th, 2009
Hoping for a miracle…
Even though I genuinely meant to, I haven’t blogged in the last little because I was just too busy trying to survive what I’d like to call “the three days of darkness”… and let me tell you, it was a tall order. This Monday-Wednesday schedule is absolutely killing me. I’m physcially manifesting my job-related misery, people. Yes, misery… I went there and called it that, I called it what it is. I did warn you that my “like” for this job would probably wane, and it has… at an accelerated rate that even I didn’t predict. Please don’t be disappointed in me.
The physical symptoms of this misery include ghastly paleness, shivering, prolonged dizziness. It’s sickening. Technically I’m supposed to work from 7 am to 6:30 pm, but I could only survive until 5:15-ish the past two days (strageically leaving just 15 minutes after my supervisor left for the day to ensure that I didn’t run into her in the lobby). The only reason I deviated from that plan of action today is because there’s an editor here who’s scheduled to work until 6. Kill me now. Kill us both, I guess! This is un-freakin-bearable.
You know what, though? I have no one to blame but myself… and the physical ailments I’m experiencing? Well, I’m getting my just deserts, I guess. Why? Because I knew what I was getting myself into. I had a job identical to this one just 6 six months ago… there was a reason why I left… because I loathed it. I loathed the dry material, I loathed the absence of opportunities for growth, I loathed the redundance, I loathed the silence, I loathed EVERYTHING except two co-workers who kept me sane. The only difference here is that the department doesn’t seem to be saturated with sycophants who are actually rewarded for their shameless sycophantism. At the same time, though, everyone is so closed-off, I just could be missing something. So why the hell did I come back to this?!? Bad habits die hard, I guess.
This internship… I have high hopes for this internship. This internship needs to save my life. It NEEDS to get me on a career path that I’ll be content to traverse… it needs to get me a job that I love, one that doesn’t make me feel like ripping my hair out with every minute that passes by. I nearly sob aloud at the sight of every new stack of proofs that arrives on my desk for me to mark up. I’m downright sick of this. Seriously, though, I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve invested (wasted is probably the more accurate word to use) way too much time acquiring experience in an industry that doesn’t interest me whatsoever. Now that I’ve decided to invest my time and effort more fruitfully, I’m hoping for a miracle here… I’m hoping this internship gets me out of the cycle of job-related misery… because I’m truly beginning to lose hope.
