The (Mis?)Adventures of a Perpetual Job-Hunter/Job-Hater

My co-worker just told me that Awkward Boss was upset yesterday when he read my email informing him that I was sick and wouldn’t be coming in to the office. First off, I really was and still am sick… granted, not the I-can’t-get-out-of-bed-oh-my-gosh-the-room-is-spinning kind of sick, but I am entitled to sick days, and I should be applauded for using a sick day when I was actually, technically sick, no? Secondly, I offered to make up the time missed instead of using a sick day… so what’s the crisis? Awkward Boss, let’s not pretend that my role is so vital to the company’s success that my one-day absence (which I quite selflessly offered to make up, mind you, and suffer the pain associated with working longer hours for the next several days) is really that significant. No, of course it isn’t – but for Awkward Boss, it’s a control issue. I hate him. HATE.

I had to attend a funeral yesterday morning, and because Awkward Boss is just so immeasurably understanding (rolling my eyes – this is the same silly man who told my co-worker that just because we’re entitled to a certain amount of sick and personal days doesn’t mean we can just go ahead and use all of them… uhhhh, I’m pretty sure that’s what “entitlement” encompasses, Awkward Boss), I had no choice but to call in email in sick. There are more important things in life… I’m completely unapologetic about single-handedly foiling the company’s success yesterday by depriving my boss of my much needed corporate insight (hah!) in order to pay my last respects to a great man. I told my husband that if Awkward Boss complained about my absence (I knew this would happen!), I would take the other job I’m currently in the running for in a heartbeat. The problem? This other job would require me to accept a salary reduction of $8,000 to $10,000. So my question is, what makes this type of financial loss worth it?

I guess another question that’s tantamount to that is, how much is my happiness (or at least my attempt to find it – I don’t know if the other job will make me content, but at this point I feel like any other work situation would be a vast improvement) worth? I always tell myself that I would be willing to take a job that either a) pays extremely well but is mind-numbing, or b) pays little but is exciting and intellectually enriching. I’m willing to settle for a job that entails the two extremes. My current job, however, strikes a most deplorable “balance”, so to speak, in the sense that the crappy pay and crappy job duties can be weighed equally – this is definitely not the “balance” in life that everyone seeks, haha! I’ll keep you posted on the recruitment process for the other job. I’m seriously considering making the return to school (perhaps law school) next year, so in the meantime I’d be content settling for any job that falls short of the “Dream Job”… oh, except of course the one I currently have. ;-P

So I know they’re right when they say, “You’re lucky you even have a job in this recession! Be thankful that you have the ability to pay your bills!” I know, I know, I know. Of course, in light of my poor budgeting skills, the bills are still a bit of a problem for me even though I have a job, but I understand what they’re trying to tell me. When I arrive in the office, though, and plunk down in my chair quite miserably after greeting my incredibly awkward boss with a pleasant (feigned, of course) “Good morning!” and begin my day (and then proceed to occupy the majority of the rest of my day) by trying to figure out how in the world I’ll go about deceiving my incredibly awkward boss into thinking that I actually have work to do… well, as I stare blankly at my computer screen, killing my brain and soul slowly, painfully, and surely… it’s just difficult for me to acknowledge my misery as ungratefulness. To me, my misery is an inevitability. You can call it naiveite, call it exagerration… heck, you can even call it normal! But all I know for sure is that I’m just four months into this job and already I can officially say this: I absolutely, positively, with every fibre of my being, LOATHE my God-awful job.

Even with really wonderful co-workers (comrades, really!) who empathize with me, the Awkward Boss (yes, he’s just so darn awkward that this description must now metamorphose into the proper noun which I will use to refer to him going forward… there are many, many epithets I could employ, but Awkward Boss takes the cake) irks me to such an extent that my job is nothing short of un-freakin’-bearable. I have no voice. I rarely do what I was initially hired to do, not only forcing me to put aside my best skills and strengths but also forcing me to participate in halting any career development aligned with my overarching “plan” (not wholly concretized at this point, but concretized enough for me to know that what I’m doing is the opposite extreme). There’s no room for growth. I never have enough to do, and when I am assigned a task, it’s usually one that’s very poorly explained and asking questions about it doesn’t prompt Awkward Boss to produce a more lucid explanation. And Awkward Boss isn’t just Awkward – he’s essentially a tyrannical douche-bag who probably times every member of my group during washroom breaks (while mumbling under his breath, I’m sure, about how washroom breaks grossly impede productivity). This job just isn’t for me, which is such a disappointment. I left my previous job with the bright hope of moving on to a better career opportunity, one that would allow me to carve a niche to inhabit for at least a few years. A few years? Hah! I’ve been trying to get a new job since Day 3. Yes, huge, huge disappointment. I have a reputation for hating every job that I get, but I’m convinced that this consistent job-related unhappiness is because I just haven’t found my cup of tea yet… not just because I hate having a job, whatever that job may be (but this is the consensus, much to my dismay).

So, the point of this blog? Well, I guess we can call it my attempt at reclaiming my hope for that ever-elusive “self-fulfilling” career. For some, it’s just a lofty ideal. For others, it’s the key to happiness. Whatever it is, I’m not prepared to give up on it. But first, baby steps – I’ll build up to that eventually, but first, I need to find a new job to reclaim my sanity. This blog will document that process, and perhaps along the way I’ll stumble upon a self-fulfilling career and understand what it means for me.