The (Mis?)Adventures of a Perpetual Job-Hunter/Job-Hater

Wow, it’s been quite some time since my last post! A lot has happened since my last blogging session…

So the interview for the editorial internship that I really wanted went extremely well on Monday – I was accepted for the position on the spot. I was definitely stoked, but at the same time I was pretty disappointed about not yet having secured a part-time position. I thought I was fully prepared to intern full-time at the magazine no matter what , but reality set in and I really can’t live with myself relying solely on my poor husband to shoulder all of our financial responsibilities… they’re not particularly burdensome, and we could probably survive on his income alone for a little while if we exercise the strictest discipline in adhering to a budget, but I can’t do that to him (and we’re not the disciplined sort, haha!). Besides, I’m a grown-a$$ woman and should be pulling my own weight, for goodness’ sake! I really would feel ashamed of myself… and to be honest, I have been a little ashamed of myself being unemployed these past two weeks, which is an issue I’ll blog about in detail very soon.

Anyway, then yesterday I got offered the editor job that I’ve mentioned previously. And because I’m an absolute idiot when put on the spot, I accepted it. HI. How can I intern full-time AND work full-time??? Why do I put myself in these sticky situations? Because I really am an idiot who apparently relishes dilemmas!

I don’t know what to do… especially because I think I can actually have my cake and eat it too with a part-time editorial internship that I’ve got lined up… it’s with a smaller magazine, but the internship could probably provide me with some great writing experience because the publication is so small and interns are heavily relied upon for contributing content… which I wouldn’t mind since I don’t think it’s far-fetched to surmise that it could perhaps lead to a paid gig in the future. See, the answer seems so clear – work full-time and intern part-time. But I already committed to the full-time internship and don’t know how to go about rescinding my commitment. AHHHH. It wouldn’t be so difficult to do if I didn’t care so much… this is an industry I really do want to break in to and I don’t want to burn any bridges on the outset of my foray into the magazine world.

The timing of everything was just so incredibly off. My maybe-soon-to-be employer should’ve offered me that damn job sooner so that I could’ve assessed my options properly. At the end of the day, I’m sure this happens quite a lot – candidates who accept offers end up having to revoke their acceptance due to a more suitable opportunity that comes along afterwards… I’m sure that the person to whom I’ll end up having to rescind my acceptance will understand, but the thought of doing it is making me a little sick to my stomach. Eck. Seriously.

Well, at least the Thanksgiving festivities this weekend will take my mind off of it temporarily. Happy Thanksgiving weekend to you all!

I wrote yesterday’s post with some relative clarity, I thought… but today the potential employer called to let me know that they’re proceeding in the recruitment process since yesterday’s interview went well. They will be contacting my references, and their final decision will be made by the end of next week. My gut feeling tells me that an offer of employment is pending.

And that gut feeling is accompanied by a feeling of disappointment, I guess I can call it. I’m not being ungrateful… this is a stupid, stupid initial reaction from an unemployed bum, I know… of course I’m pleased that I have another prospect, especially since I quit last week without anything to fall back on. While I’m glad that I can return to the work force almost immediately after leaving my last job quite spontaneously, I’m also a little disappointed because I have a feeling I know what my pragmatism will guide me to do. Sure, it’s an uninteresting job that pays an almost laughable salary… but it’s a job that pays… and even though I was intially unfazed by the unpaid aspect of an incredibly exciting magazine internship, I feel my pragmatism enveloping my idealism again, telling me that I can’t turn down an actual job… because I just can’t.

Ugh, it’s so unbelievably frustrating to be yoked to this kind of pragmatism. Even after all these posts that seem to trace an evolution (however slow and winding) in my approach to finding the right career for me, here I am, taking two steps back, thinking about settling for something that I already know will not make me content.

Oh, what am I doing.

My interview this morning went well, and while they strongly hinted that I could expect an offer soon enough, I’m about 90% sure that it’s not the right opportunity to jump into after a painful year and a half of job dissatisfaction. My goal is to never again put myself in the same situation I extricated myself from only a week ago, and I’m afraid that accepting this job would contradict that goal entirely. I know I’m not interested in editing the content I’d be immersed in during my tenure there, which is why I left both of my previous jobs. The time to be selective is now, but unfortunately my mom doesn’t understand the logic behind this…

At 11pm last night, I applied for a magazine internship that I’m dying to secure, and lo and behold, I was miraculously contacted this morning regarding my application and invited for an interview scheduled for Tuesday morning. I’m really hoping to get this one, folks… really hoping. I’ve been fantasizing all day about getting hired on full-time after my internship expires and finally experiencing what it’s like to have a job that I actually enjoy… I’m probably being overly optimistic, but being jobless can do that to a girl, strangely enough. I think it’s because I’m no longer shackled to a job that I have to force myself, with great difficulty, to accept (sort of like forcing yourself to swallow Buckley’s without gagging) - when I worked for Awkward/A$$hole boss, that forced acceptance ended up permeating/polluting my outlook on the future, hindering me from recognizing that I could indeed do more than just passively accepting my situation.

So now that I’m taking accountability for my career path, I’m willing to be an unpaid, full-time intern at a reputable magazine for a couple of months to acquire some much needed and incredibly valuable experience while working part-time. It makes perfect sense to me… and to my husband – God bless him for being so darn supportive. But it doesn’t make that much sense to my mom… I could see the disapproval in the look on her face when I told her. And I’m sure it doesn’t make sense to several others who are aware of this plan (they are, however, a tad more sensitive than my mom and therefore avoid manifesting less than nuanced reactions when I discuss it, haha!). But simply working to generate an income hasn’t gotten me anywhere fruitful so far. I think it’s about time that I change my strategy and let what I love to do guide my job search… even if that means working for free for a little while.

The bottom line: if you are okay with what you want to do, that’s all that should matter. Readers, this sounds like such a trite statement, such fluffy advice that we all roll our eyes at, but it’s advice that we don’t fully take to heart when we should. I’ve felt the need to justify my decisions to people in this past week, but I can’t let my hyper-sensitivity to what others think prevent me from doing something I’m over-the-moon excited about. Would it make sense if I did?

A gem of advice: DO NOT accept a job at a company that lacks a legitimate HR department! Not only will you witness HR violations occur left, right, and center (and all known to the phony HR department they’ve set up) during your miserable tenure at the company, but you will more than likely be f*cked with when it comes to your final pay.

So, learn from my situation, dear friends. Here are a few tips to bear in mind if you have the misfortune of being f*cked with by a former, legitimate-HR-department-less employer, thereby prolonging your ties (against your will) with a company you despise:

#1: Incessant emailing lets them know you mean business. Harass, harass, and harass them again for what you’re entitled to.

#2: Point out the stupidity in the lame justification they will try to sell you in their attempt to f*ck up your final pay. Do this in conjunction with tip #1.

#3: Be extremely thorough in your explanation of why they are wrong. Do this in conjunction with tips #1 and #2.

#4: Be ready to bust out the big guns: tell them you are not afraid to take the issue up with the labour board, and if they don’t get the hint after you tell them that, go one step further by declaring you are well-connected with employment lawyers. I’m almost at this point! Also, I do know employment lawyers and would be more than happy to send along contact info if you need it!

#5: Do not just “let it go”, people – yes, you may just want to throw in the towel and wash your hands of it all so that you can finally begin the process of erasing your experience with the company from your memory forever, but don’t let them get away with this bull$h!t. Just think of all the days you spent languishing at your desk, utterly bored and unfulfilled… so first they want your soul, and now they want a portion of your earnings, too??? NOoooooOOoo, I don’t think so!

I wish I could explicitly name my former employer to give you all a proper warning! The ad for my former job is on Workopolis right now and is extremely deceptive… how I wish I could expose the dishonest company behind the pretty ad. Sigh.

It’s been some time since my last post, and I’m sure my handful of readers have been wondering (well, at least I hope they’ve been wondering – and I hope there are still a handful of you out there!) how I’ve been doing since that fateful day…

I don’t regret quitting at all. I have been coping with the fear that stems from, as my good friend articulated, leaving something safe for the unknown… but I haven’t experienced even the slightest regret since emancipating myself from Awkward Boss’ evil clutches and the drudgery of a soul-killing job.

I’m sure some people think that my decision was rash, but I have faith that this will all work out. The truth is that I’m young, I’m smart, I’ve got a good education, and I know how to sell my qualifications and skills  pretty well to potential employers – I’m not at all worried that I’ll be forever unemployed from this point on… even in this terrible job market, I’m confident that I can secure a respectable position soon. But I so desperately want to find an opportunity that will make me truly content – and that is a much more difficult task.

So I’ve been keeping myself quite busy since making the choice to be unemployed. The day after quitting, I completed the editorial tests for the other potential employer. I’ve applied for several jobs that I think I’d enjoy, making a conscious effort to be more selective in my job hunt. But I’ve been most focused on submitting my cover letter (now very carefully written!) and resume to several magazines in hopes of securing an internship. And, to my great surprise, I actually received a response just a couple of hours ago from an Editor who might be interested in taking me on. I’m almost giddy at the thought of gaining experience working at an actual magazine. And as mind-blowing as it sounds, the unpaid aspect of it is pretty insignificant to me, even with gas to buy, four dogs to feed, and bills to pay.

Is it absolutely crazy that I’m most excited about the prospect of securing an unpaid internship? To some of you it might be, but to the others who share my sentiments about vocation, I’m sure you understand my giddiness.