The (Mis?)Adventures of a Perpetual Job-Hunter/Job-Hater

So my miracle didn’t come. The internship is a complete disappointment. Indeed, it’s refreshing to write, but there’s something really off about the environment. The editor is fantastic, but she’s just about the only person I enjoy. I’m so utterly disappointed… and I feel like an utter disappointment

I give up now. I think I’m at the point where I just need to find a job that is bearable… a  job that I can commit to, which doesn’t necessarily entail falling in love with it. Legal publishing DEFINITELY ISN’T the industry for me, and I’ve accepted that… but that’s just about the only thing I’m sure of at this troubling standstill. Yet again, it’s back to the drawing board for the perpetual job-hunter/job-hater… it’s getting old. Really old.

Even though I genuinely meant to, I haven’t blogged in the last little because I was just too busy trying to survive what I’d like to call “the three days of darkness”… and let me tell you, it was a tall order. This Monday-Wednesday schedule is absolutely killing me. I’m physcially manifesting my job-related misery, people.  Yes, misery… I went there and called it that, I called it what it is. I did warn you that my “like” for this job would probably wane, and it has… at an accelerated rate that even I didn’t predict. Please don’t be disappointed in me.

The physical symptoms of this misery include ghastly paleness, shivering, prolonged dizziness. It’s sickening. Technically I’m supposed to work from 7 am to 6:30 pm, but I could only survive until 5:15-ish the past two days (strageically leaving just 15 minutes after my supervisor left for the day to ensure that I didn’t run into her in the lobby). The only reason I deviated from that plan of action today is because there’s an editor here who’s scheduled to work until 6. Kill me now. Kill us both, I guess! This is un-freakin-bearable.

You know what, though? I have no one to blame but myself… and the physical ailments I’m experiencing? Well, I’m getting my just deserts, I guess. Why? Because I knew what I was getting myself into. I had a job identical to this one just 6 six months ago… there was a reason why I left… because I loathed it. I loathed the dry material, I loathed the absence of opportunities for growth, I loathed the redundance, I loathed the silence, I loathed EVERYTHING except two co-workers who kept me sane. The only difference here is that the department doesn’t seem to be saturated with sycophants who are actually rewarded for their shameless sycophantism. At the same time, though, everyone is so closed-off, I just could be missing something. So why the hell did I come back to this?!? Bad habits die hard, I guess.

This internship… I have high hopes for this internship. This internship needs to save my life. It NEEDS to get me on a career path that I’ll be content to traverse… it needs to get me a job that I love, one that doesn’t make me feel like ripping my hair out with every minute that passes by. I nearly sob aloud at the sight of every new stack of proofs that arrives on my desk for me to mark up. I’m downright sick of this. Seriously, though, I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve invested (wasted is probably the more accurate word to use) way too much time acquiring experience in an industry that doesn’t interest me whatsoever. Now that I’ve decided to invest my time and effort more fruitfully, I’m hoping for a miracle here… I’m hoping this internship  gets me out of the cycle of job-related misery… because I’m truly beginning to lose hope.

Okay, what initially started off as the usual end-of-the-workweek relief has graduated to full-blown dread of the thought of ushering in a brand new workweek at the new job. I can’t believe I said I was actually starting to “like” it. I don’t quite despise it, which is still a step above my previous jobs, but this is where it starts. It’s all downhill from here.

I’m just not loving the fact that my superiors have these pre-conceived notions about me. I come with previous editorial experience at two of the company’s biggest competitors, which shared the same editorial processes, for the most part, so there are definitely things that can be skipped in my training. However, that doesn’t warrant pretty much doing away with my training altogether. In my first two weeks, my supervisor has sat down with me to teach me about the editorial processes they follow for a total of 30 minutes, LITERALLY. Also, in my intervew I explicitly mentioned that I’d never edited a book (only looseleafs and newsletters), and already I’ve been assigned a behemoth of a book with very little guidance. The thought of working on it tomorrow is making me want to poke my eyes out a little. It’s so incredibly boring, too, which doesn’t help. I’m sure the subject of intellectual property would be interesting to study as a law student, but it certainly isn’t interesting in the context I’m encountering it. I have to finish editing this book by the end of December… it’s all really ridiculous… I honestly don’t know how I’ll do it. I hate new jobs that force you to ask a billion questions, you know ? Don’t get me wrong, I’d be fine with asking questions for clarification, but the problem lies in the fact that I don’t quite know what questions to ask since I haven’t been adequately trained yet – I don’t even have the proper knowledge to ask coherent questions. Seriously, sometimes I want to ask my supervisor something, and I’ll practice formulating the question in my head, and it turns out to be something that sounds so embarrassingly dumb that I end up not asking the question. Anyway, I now realize that I’m going to have to buck up and ask numerous dumb questions in order to finish editing the book. Ugh.

On top of it all, I really SUCK at editing material that I find boring. Yeah, I really wasn’t the scrupulous editor I should’ve been at my last job as an editor. It’s just that when I’m reading something boring, I’m not engaged enough to care about whether or not I’ve caught all errors… I really just want to skim everything and be done with the pages in front of me as soon as possible.

I’m really not a good editor in this context. I’m just too darn bored to care. This is yet another reason why I know this job isn’t for me… I’m not very good at it. And what kind of self-fulfillment can come out of a job that I can’t be proud of doing well?

Sigh, I wish this weekend wouldn’t end.

A gem of advice: DO NOT accept a job at a company that lacks a legitimate HR department! Not only will you witness HR violations occur left, right, and center (and all known to the phony HR department they’ve set up) during your miserable tenure at the company, but you will more than likely be f*cked with when it comes to your final pay.

So, learn from my situation, dear friends. Here are a few tips to bear in mind if you have the misfortune of being f*cked with by a former, legitimate-HR-department-less employer, thereby prolonging your ties (against your will) with a company you despise:

#1: Incessant emailing lets them know you mean business. Harass, harass, and harass them again for what you’re entitled to.

#2: Point out the stupidity in the lame justification they will try to sell you in their attempt to f*ck up your final pay. Do this in conjunction with tip #1.

#3: Be extremely thorough in your explanation of why they are wrong. Do this in conjunction with tips #1 and #2.

#4: Be ready to bust out the big guns: tell them you are not afraid to take the issue up with the labour board, and if they don’t get the hint after you tell them that, go one step further by declaring you are well-connected with employment lawyers. I’m almost at this point! Also, I do know employment lawyers and would be more than happy to send along contact info if you need it!

#5: Do not just “let it go”, people – yes, you may just want to throw in the towel and wash your hands of it all so that you can finally begin the process of erasing your experience with the company from your memory forever, but don’t let them get away with this bull$h!t. Just think of all the days you spent languishing at your desk, utterly bored and unfulfilled… so first they want your soul, and now they want a portion of your earnings, too??? NOoooooOOoo, I don’t think so!

I wish I could explicitly name my former employer to give you all a proper warning! The ad for my former job is on Workopolis right now and is extremely deceptive… how I wish I could expose the dishonest company behind the pretty ad. Sigh.

Hokay, my sincerest apologies for last night’s utterly depressing post! I hope I didn’t lose my small handful of readers (are there any more of you out there???) because of my wallowing. I’m a little more chipper today, I promise!

So my rant last night was a little heavy, but for more humourous work rants check out www.workrant.com. A ton of the rants posted there are comedy gold – all of you fellow job-hunters/job-haters will appreciate the humour, the unabashed, expletive-rich declarations of boss-hating, and knowing that you are not alone. So read a few and post a few of your own… you might find it therapeutic – empowering, even – to send your thoughts out into cyberspace since you’re forced to muffle them in the office.